...And another thing (From Worcester News)

...And another thing

11:16am Monday 1st February 2010

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●A COUPLE of friends have recently moved from Coventry to Malvern and we paid them a visit once they had settled into their new home on the west side of the hills.

Always the amateur historian, I explained that their house stood in what would have once been the Malvern wilderness, haunt of highway robbers and outcasts.

A mile or so to the right lay Hangman’s Hill, where a gibbet once stood. This was where the remains of miscreants would swing in the wind as they were slowly picked clean by the crows, serving as a dreadful warning to others considering a life in crime.

And a bit further along lay British Camp, the site of the last great battle between the native Celts and invading Romans.

But, hey, that’s me all over – always ready with a cheery smile and a welcoming word of encouragement.

●THE Government’s 24-hour drinking legislation – like all of its social experiments – was always doomed to end in disaster.

Despite the best advice from visionaries such as myself, the spin doctors barged ahead while doctors of another kind waited for the victims of violence and liver disease to limp into their surgeries.

The aim of the experiment was to turn Britons into their European counterparts who appear to be able to actually enjoy a tipple without getting legless.

It was never possible because our native racial characteristics prevent us from enjoying alcohol sensibly. A combination of Norse, Anglo-Saxon and Celtic genes sadly provides a lethal cocktail that is just as potentially dangerous as any libation.

The PC brigade will gasp with horror at such notions but I’m afraid it’s the truth.

●TALKING of binge-drinking, I see signs that Prime Minister Gordon Brown is actually taking my advice and starting to do something about booze-fuelled behaviour.

I have reached this conclusion because he keeps on talking about the need to keep up the struggle against someone called ‘Alky Ada’.

I can only assume that this inebriate is a dangerous maiden aunt who cannot control her consumption of Cherry Bs.

Law-abiding citizens should take heart. This could be the beginning of the great fightback against the anarchy on our streets.

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