Sometimes, just do as O you’re told... (From Worcester News)

Sometimes, just do as O you’re told...

11:39am Monday 6th February 2012 in Fair Point By Alicia Kelly, @aliciakellyWN #worcsnews

MY three-year-old has developed a new mode of attack. Negotiation. It means we are living by some rather strange rules. I like to call them the ‘that means’ rules.

I’ll give you some examples.

We are at the park when I suggest it is time to go home for tea.

His response: “It’s not dark so that means we can play for five more minutes.”

I see.

At bedtime I am trying in vain to follow the well-established routine in its well-established order when a little voice pipes up.

“It’s bedtime so that means we can read my stories before I brush my teeth.”

No, it doesn’t.

It is mainly him that sets these rules but it could be my own fault because I sometimes negotiate too.

I say things like, “If you don’t hurry up we won’t have time to watch TV when you get home.”

So that inevitably leads to a new rule.

“I have hurried up so that means I can watch TV.”

Trouble is, I hadn’t noticed any hurrying.

The main problem is that negotiation is exhausting.

It takes time and by definition involves compromise on both sides.

That can all feel rather futile when one of the parties involved resorts to crying wildly when they don’t get their own way and the other is unable to see anyone else’s point of view.

I’ll leave it to you to decide which one is which.

It makes you hanker for the old days when a parent could be secure in the knowledge that a my way or the highway approach was perfectly acceptable.

Nowadays it’s all about choices.

So, at bedtime, I find myself saying, “You can carry on writhing around on the floor, screaming and refusing to go upstairs but then we won’t have time to read your books. It’s your choice.”

Then I just pray he will make the right choice – ie, my choice – and as quickly as possible.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

Hopefully, later in life, this approach will give him the tools to make informed decisions – rather than just teaching him to do as he is told.

Great in theory.

But when faced with rule number 1,101, I have been known to leave the negotiating table.

“Life is tough,” I say, “so that means sometimes we all just have to do as we are told.”