Outside in pyjamas is a real no-no (From Worcester News)

Outside in pyjamas is a real no-no

3:13pm Monday 20th February 2012 in Fair Point

MY son has developed a new way of dealing with my feeble attempts at discipline.

He just ignores me.

Yes, me. The woman who brought him into the world, feeds him, plays with him and worries constantly about him.

I – his mother – who organises my life around his wellbeing am reduced in his eyes to little more than background noise.

It is, frankly, infuriating.

I have to say it is also frighteningly effective, which of course is why he does it.

“Let’s get you dressed,” I say. No response.

“You can’t spend all morning in your pyjamas,” I reason. Not even a flicker.

I know if I carry on in this vein I am in danger of becoming – I can barely say it – a nag.

Surely there must be another way to make myself heard?

I don’t mean shouting – that has absolutely no impact in this situation.

He’ll carry on ignoring me and then not only will I feel like Mrs Invisible but I’ll have the added burden of being red-faced and sounding like a screaming fishwife.

Sometimes I try and play him at his own game.

So when he comes and asks me for something I stick my fingers in my ears and say, “La la la, is somebody talking? Isn’t it annoying when people don’t listen to you?”

Childish? Yes. But if you can’t beat them, join them.

Actually, he finds that quite funny but I can’t say it has any kind of lasting impact. And obviously because I am not actually a child it is hard to keep up for long.

Nope, there’s only one thing for it. Threats. Like, “Answer me now or it’s no TV – probably forever.”

Or, “OK then, you will have to wear your pyjamas all day even when we go out.”

That works a treat. For reasons I don’t fully understand, being outside in pyjamas is considered by my three-year-old to be a fate worse than death.

Good news, you say?

Yes. Except obviously I have no intention of taking him out in his pyjamas. A fact I’m fairly sure he’s going to cotton onto pretty soon.

Anyway I don’t want to carry out any of these threats. I just don’t want to be ignored.

Surely you can see my point?

Hello?