I’M not a morning person.

But sleeping in is difficult since I gave birth to a ready-made alarm clock so, as I waved goodbye to my maternity leave this week, I wasn’t unduly worried.

Could I be at work for 9am? Of course I could. My ‘special’ alarm clock is set for 6am – at the latest. Surely that’s enough time to get me ready?

Well yes. Trouble is it isn’t just me. In my house, there are now five of us who need to be fed, watered, dressed and delivered to our five, separate destinations.

I prepared to meet this logistical challenge with calm resolve.

We will be organised, I decide. The uniform will be laid out the night before. The book bags/change bags/handbags will be ready and waiting by the door.

So how did it go? Well, if I wrote a diary for day one it may have looked a little like this…

Wake up and spend half an hour with the duvet over my head to block out son’s incessant chatter.

Realise I haven’t worn work attire for over a year. Pull long-forgotten items out of the back of the wardrobe until morning cup of tea goes cold. Feel mildly stressed.

Waste 10 minutes trying to wake up daughter (also not a morning person).

Realise it is hottest day of the year and son has only long-sleeved shirts. Search for clean, short-sleeved alternative before giving in and settling for not-clean, short-sleeved alternative. Feel disappointed in parenting skills.

Referee between two older children who are squabbling over one of the baby’s toys. Give up when realise the baby is too busy playing with plug sockets to care.

Outsource breakfast duties to husband while I clean teeth. Listen while the four people downstairs take turns crying and screaming. Feel guilty for cleaning teeth.

Make son read his school book in-between mouthfuls of Shreddies and try to explain to still-grumpy daughter why chocolate is not a breakfast food before shoving her out of the door with husband on nursery run.

Realise – too late – that she’s not wearing the right shoes.

Run up and downstairs three times in a last-minute panic before leaving the house. Go back for forgotten PE kit.

Deliver son to school and baby to babysitter hoping no-one will notice she is still in her pyjamas.

Arrive at work. Feel thirsty. (Forgot to drink the tea.)

Resolve to be better organised.

Or maybe I should just get up earlier?