WITH the season of goodwill upon us, The Source has been busy shopping to make sure Christmas is a memorable one for our politicians.

With that in mind, it’s time to let the yuletide spirit ring true and declare what’s in store for our great and good on the special day!

- A red, blue, yellow and green scarf for Worcester Councillor Jabba Riaz so he can feel snug as he flip-flops his way into 2014

- A massive woolly jumper for Wyre Forest MP Mark Garnier so we don’t have to pay his heating bills again this year

- A tall candle for Worcester MP Robin Walker so he can watch the flame slowly distinguish on his parliamentary career - or if he retains the seat in 2015, he can call it the candle of hope

- Anything which bleeps for Geoff Williams, the Labour deputy leader of Worcester City Council so it can bleep out the swear words next time he gets excited

- A map of Worcestershire for Nigel Huddleston, the Tories’ parliamentary candidate for Peter Luff’s constituency so he doesn’t get lost on his trips up from Hertfordshire

- An envelope stuffed with cash, for Councillor Adrian Hardman, the leader of the county council - they need a few bob in order to save £98m by 2017

- A plain English dictionary for all our councillors, so I don’t have to hear words like ‘stakeholders’, ‘partners’ and ‘toolkit’ for another year

- A battering ram, for whoever becomes the Liberal Democrat’s 2015 parliamentary candidate for Worcester, because they’ll have to break down doors to get anyone to vote for them

- A megaphone, so said candidate can use it to scream abuse at Nick Clegg once they’ve ended up in fourth place below UKIP

- A shovel, for Worcester Councillor Allah Ditta in case he wants to go digging any more holes for himself in 2014

- A collection of donkeys, for the city council’s enforcement officers so they can place them in the road down Foregate Street - that way nobody will want to be a taxi driver, solving the problem swiftly

- A large black cloth and some lipstick, for Councillor Anthony Blagg, cabinet member for the environment at County Hall, so he can use it cover the hideous looking incinerator due to be built at Hartlebury next year

- A search hunt, for police and crime commissioner Bill Longmore, as he never returned any of my calls in 2013

Merry Christmas!