LIKE a kid in a sweetshop, cash-strapped Worcester City Council is soon going to be enjoying the fruits of a wealthy grandma.

In this case, the city's version of 'generous Dorothy' is the University of Worcester, which will be delivering £3.1 million into the coffers, presumably in a brown suitcase stuffed with £20 notes, for the Orchard House complex.

So how will they be spending all this money, you ask?

After all windfalls like this don't come around often and once it's gone, it's gone.

In the spirit of assistance, here's some suggestions from The Source:

- Hand the suitcase to Cllr Allah 'the developer' Ditta, so he can finally finish off his caveman's hole in Timberdine Avenue

- Give it to Worcester's Mayor, good old Cllr Alan 'fiasco' Amos, in return for his gold chain

- Martial arts lessons for the council's Tory leadership in case they are apprehended by members of the public over Mayor-gate and need to take 'urgent action'

- A balaclava, again for Worcester's Mayor, if he wants to disguise himself at public functions

- A year's subscription to satirical magazine Private Eye for Cllr Amos, just so he can see what they're saying about him

- A series of books on how to make the romance last, for Tory and Labour councillors on either side of the Guildhall chamber

- A careers advice project, for anyone connected to the Liberal Democrat Party in Worcestershire, before next year's inevitable kicking at the General Election

- A truck load of lawnmowers, so Worcester's Cemetery can't be described as being in "macabre" state again

- A demolition lorry, so someone can pull down Worcester's ugliest building Elgar House and plant a massive flower bed in its place

- A proper public transport service for Worcestershire County Council

- Funding for a Tesco Express on every street corner in the city so everyone can walk to do their shopping, easing congestion

- A T-shirt for MP Harriett Baldwin, in the aftermath of last week's reshuffle, saying 'Calm Down Dear'

- A year's worth of scrabble games, for Mid-Worcestershire MP Sir Peter Luff, who won't know what to do with himself once he retires next year

- A huge giraffe-sized jaffa cake, to be handed to either Worcester MP Robin Walker or Labour parliamentary candidate Joy Squires, so the loser in next year's election can take comfort in the zingy orangey bit

- Plain English lessons, especially for councillors who bang on about "place shaping", "toolkit review", "dashboard" and every other drip of nonsense created by officialdom

- A bar tab for The Source so we can drink it away; all political parties are invited!