THROUGH the eyes of beer goggles, Worcester's excitable General Election contest has finally kicked off with that most cherished of fuel, alcohol, sure to play a happy part along the way.

The city's Cap N' Gown pub has managed to persuade our election hopefuls to make it the base for 10 weeks of hustings-style debates, which kicked off last Monday night as the gossip flowed as smoothly as the amber nectar.

After the non-serious parties had their say Baron Fullstop, an invited guest from the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, got involved and reeled off some policies which may or may not be nicked by the rest.

Their ‘manicfesto’ includes more public toilets "for the freedom of movement", an EU referendum with the options of "in, out or shake it all about" and free beer and sex on your 100th birthday.

If anyone can bung the Baron the £500 deposit (he's broke), especially given the pub applause last Monday, he's considering standing.

What's not to like? Hiccup.

* WORCESTER MP Robin Walker, who memorably compared Vladimir Putin to Adolf Hitler on Monday night, isn't into football much, and what a waste that is.

The whipper-snapper got invited to a bash with the Chelsea FC squad last month and inexplicably, barely recognised any of 'em, despite the fact he's used to mixing with rich prima donnas every day in parliament.

"I recognised John Terry but after that I was a bit lost," he tells us.

He probably thinks Costa is a brand of coffee.

* TALKING about Robin, our MP is proving quite a stud in the Commons. He got his hair cut this week and during an exchange with the Whips office over parliamentary business, was told: "Never mind that, we all want to know where you got your hair cut!"

He's a married man!

* FOR those keeping tabs, the cardboard cut-out of Ed Miliband still hasn't found its way home to the Labour group room at County Hall, with the search now all but abandoned and the culprit still at large.

Has anyone checked in with David Miliband recently? He was in the UK just before Christmas......

* A MINI crisis appears to have engulfed Worcester's Tory ranks, with their chief election master and branch chairman Dr David Tibbutt taking on so much work he's torn a calf muscle.

The former city mayor, who retired as a councillor last year, has arguably more influence than ever and is so wired with the door knocking, he's keeping a spreadsheet on which councillor has done what, despite his injury.

Does the laziest one get pelted with eggs at the end?