WITH a ho, ho ho and the crunch of a foul-tasting mince pie that's gone off, our political masters would be lost without their Christmas presents courtesy of The Source.

So with that in mind here's what our great, good and jolly naughty democratic masters are getting this year.

- A voodoo doll of Jeremy Corbyn, for Labour Councillor Richard Udall, so he can stick pins in it

- Another voodoo doll of Tory Marc Bayliss, for Conservative Liz Eyre, so she can de-stress on the backbenches after exiting County Hall's cabinet

- A cardboard cut-out of Councillor Peter McDonald, so it can take pride of place in the Labour room at County Hall to replace the mysteriously nicked Ed Miliband one

- A calculator, for the county's leader Adrian Hardman, so he can see exactly how badly a four per cent council tax rise compares to (negative) inflation

- A toy train set, for his deputy Councillor Simon Geraghty; it may be the nearest we get to seeing Worcestershire Parkway come to fruition

- An underground tunnel and escape hatch, so Councillor Alan Amos can plot his escape from the Warndon city council ward and pitch up in a safe Tory seat for the elections

- Some Lemsip and a Chinese-style protective mask, for that man again Amos, to avoid ticking off all those wicked sneezers, splutterers and coughers wandering around Worcester's High Street

- A DIY expert, so Councillor Allah Ditta can finish off his monstrosity, sorry, property in Battenhall

- A dog's muzzle, for Labour Councillor Richard Boorn, in honour of the infamous Battle of Cripplegate Park which kicked off 2015 in calamitous style

- A dummies guide on 'how to help Syrian refugees', after all how the hell is Worcestershire County Council ever going to come to their aid otherwise?

- A six month ban from Twitter for Lib Dem Fran Oborski, so she can stop SHOUTING and calm down

- Labour Party membership, for Greens like Neil Laurenson, to aid the Corbynista infiltration

- A Taser gun, for Labour’s 2015 Worcester parliamentary candidate Joy Squires, so she can find that sandwich-chomping Mr Miliband and zap 1,000 bolts of electricity into his veins

- A model of baby Jesus, for Worcester MP Robin Walker, who clearly believes in miracles after defying the polls to increase his majority

- A lifetime’s supply of nuts, for Baron Fullstop, who runs Worcestershire’s Monster Raving Loony Party branch, so he can become ever more nuttier in 2016

- A whip, so Councillor John Campion, who ruled over the controversial outsourcing of 391 school support jobs to Babcock International, can whack someone about

- An autograph book, for West Worcestershire MP Harriett Baldwin, who as City Minister now has 11,000 Twitter followers and pops up everywhere in the financial press

- A gas guzzling car, for Worcester Party chairman Louis Stephen, so he can be a hypocrite like the rest of us

- A plastic gold chain, for the deputy Mayor of Worcester Councillor Mike Whitehouse, as he won’t be getting his hands on the real thing

- A prayer mat, for ex-county MP Sir Peter Luff, who certainly needs one if his beloved Chelsea are to get anywhere near respectability this season

To all our councillors, MPs, council workers of every rank, activists, party members, any other hangers-on and of course our readers - Merry Christmas!