GAZING upon the unsavoury remains of a typical Worcester Saturday night out, I once again speculated on the reasons for the apparent breakdown of western civilisation across the Faithful City every weekend.

As we know, large sections of the populace are blaming the rat epidemic on wheelie bins. But the truth is out there, as they say - and lying at our feet.

Many of today's young people don't give a monkey's for anything, let alone the environment, and so our rodent friends are currently making a fine living feasting off the piles of fast food now being jettisoned nightly by the ton on every highway and byway.

So the bad news for council-bashers everywhere is that they'll have to find something other than the bins to blame.

No, the cause of this anarchy is something entirely different It's lager. Yes, you know, that chilled hospital specimen of a drink that's currently consumed in oceanic quantities by all the Connors and Kylies. This disgusting piddle not only makes youths want to fight, but also - should there be no one to beat up in the immediate vicinity - induces ravenous hunger, too.

And because relatively small quantities of junk food rapidly satisfy these cravings, the remainder ends up on the floor. It is this factor that creates the familiar Beirut-cum-bottom-of-a-birdcage effect across Worcester.

A Worcester landlord once told me how he managed to sell large quantities of lager. In an amazingly frank exchange, he explained that the liquid had to be chilled to mask the bland flavour. Take away the gum-numbing effect and a fizzy pap is all that's left.

The answer to this is the mass reintroduction of mild beer. For if Britain is truly serious about reducing anti-social behaviour on the nation's streets, then this delicious, nutty-tasting brown nectar needs to be brought back to our pubs.

Mild was a civilised, working man's drink and didn't have to be consumed to excess in order to have a good time. Sadly, it's all but vanished from the British pub.

The time has therefore come to take a walk on the mildside. You never know - flat caps and mufflers might also make a comeback, too.