Anne's weakest link with the Tories

ANNE Robinson says the Tories' main problem is that "they don't have anyone you'd want to go to bed with".

That's her split infinitive, not mine.

I'm confused. The po-faced presenter of Weakest Link has obviously got a very short memory.

I seem to recall the last Tory government collapsed in a foaming frenzy of heavy-duty fornication that makes the frogs - currently going bonkers in my garden pond - look as if they've all taken celibacy vows.

Has Anne - she with the lips like two mating slugs - forgotten those hormone-fuelled days when Whitehall resounded to the sound of rasping zips and rupturing straps?

When the carnal cacophony was not so much applause but the clatter of fly buttons hitting the ceiling?

And what about all those post-parliamentary careers that flourished once nookie credentials were firmly established - surely the Tories are potentially as rampant as rabbits on Viagra?

Anne, Anne, my dear little weasel chops... you really need to get out a bit more.