TO those who only see the

cows grazing leisurely in the fields, the spring lambs bouncing around like Tigger or the pigs wallowing like pigs like to do, farming probably seems a pretty easy way of life.

All that fresh air and freedom beats a smelly office any day.

Or does it?

A letter arrived to Country News this week that were it not so depressing would be quite funny.

It came from a lady called Jill Hammonds, who farms at Suckley with her husband John. It's not being disparaging to say they are perfectly normal, sensible people, conversant with modern technology and modern farming methods.

John is a former churchwarden and a member of FOAG, a group of Worcestershire farmers that help agricultural projects in Uganda. Jill is a WI stalwart and a former parish councillor.

The Hammonds have been at Pewcroft Farm for more than 30 years, but some time ago realised the income from the 150 acre holding with its cattle and pigs wouldn't support the family.

So Jill now works two days a week for a chiropractor in Worcester to supplement their funds.

The couple also run a farm shop, selling their home-produced beef and pork, and hold "farm open days" for the public to bring in a bit more money.

On a level playing field, they would probably be OK. But their enterprise is being strangled by bureaucracy. Some of it so bizarre, it would do credit to a television farce.

One night this week, Jill sat down at her home computer and wrote the following. You may smile in parts, in others you may shed a tear, especially when it comes to the bit about Panda the cow. But this is the reality of life today for thousands of Britain's small farmers faced with diktats from faceless officialdom.

Read on and wonder how it ever got this crazy.

defra's defence: what the department said

Pigs spread pig diseases rapidly. All pigs moving to slaughter require identifying with their Defra herdmark. This may take the form of slapmark, eartag or tattoo. Defra officials consulted widely about this proposed legislation with relevant trade associations including the National Pig Association.

Unlike industry marks previously used for slapmarking, the Defra herdmark is unique. Our database contains all the details on the marks, the holding and the keeper. In a disease situation, veterinary inspectors can access the information quickly.

We have also been flexible on the allocation of herdmarks. Pig keepers may apply for additional Defra herdmarks to identify separate herds or pigs reared under different management systems.

Defra needs to know where an animal has moved from as it arrives at an abattoir. If pigs are not identified before movement, they are less easily traced. The movement document increases the robustness of the new system as it is carried with the animals and it lists the animal's identification mark.

Defra takes welfare issues very seriously. However, we do not believe an official requirement to slapmark animals will cause welfare problems. We know many keepers have traditionally practised slapmarking without welfare being an issue. However, Defra officials monitor the situation closely.

To track movements and reduce the potential for disease, pet pig walking licenses were introduced in 1995. The Pigs (Records, Identification and Movement) Order 2003 continues to require licences to be issued by the local Divisional Veterinary Manager.

Pet Pig walking licences are issued a routine work by Defra Local Animal Health Divisional Offices. They allow Defra to minimise the risk of disease spreading from pet pigs to commercial herds. No central record is kept of these licences, which have a one-year expiry date. Local offices know their local conditions and are empowered to make decisions locally. Vets see these licences as important because they provide knowledge of where pigs are travelling. Vets restrict movement of pet pigs near potential swill sources, high health pig farms and other risks.

These licences allow Defra to respond to the needs of companion animal owners while balancing the need for traceability and minimizing disease risk.

The six-day standstill means if a farmer buys in a calf, he can move pigs off after six days, not 20. And all species can move to slaughter without respecting the standstill.

Red tape: A farmer writes

Dear Sir/Madam

We can put up with the bad prices, winter weather and seven days a week doing chores, but we are totally over-run with bureaucracy on the farm and it's rather silly in some cases.

Movement restrictions are still in force from foot and mouth, so if we buy an animal - perhaps to replace a dead calf - then we are not allowed to move a pig on or off the farm for the next three weeks or cattle for six days.

We are made to get all cattle in to be tested for TB. Our vet told us that 80 per cent of his farming clients have it. We were not surprised that he thought one out of our 96 cattle had a reaction to the test. It would be our favourite cow, Panda. We now have her isolated from her friends and her calf, waiting for the government to arrange for her to be burnt. It also means that we are not allowed to sell any animals in market for at least six months or until we have a clear test, which is taken every sixty days.

We have to pay for veterinary inspections of our animals when they get to the abattoir. I only hope the checks are as rigorous on all of the imported meat that floods in, legally labelled as British, because it has been repacked in a UK factory.

The Environmental Health inspector did a routine visit to the shop last week and found everything fine. We will soon be having Health and Safety inspections no doubt, they haven't been lately.

This is a classic, worthy of Sir Humphrey. On November 1 the government, or DEFRA, decreed that all pigs going straight to slaughter now have to have a permanent mark. Stupidly, it's all right to send them to market to mix with other pigs, then go to another farm without such a mark.

Three sorts of permanent mark are allowed, all horrible for the pig.

An ear tag. We rang DEFRA to see what number tags to order, the duty vet said they are thinking of changing the numbers in the new year and pigs must be alpha numeric!

A tattoo. When I asked the DEFRA duty vet how we could possibly apply an ear tag or a tattoo to our adult outdoor pigs, it was suggested we could get a noose from the vet and put it between the pig's back teeth and round its neck, while holding the pig behind a gate. We have asked them, and the trading standards people to show us how to do this, surprisingly, no takers! You see, pigs bite, quite nastily, when they are annoyed.

A slapmark. This has to be made up with our own herd mark, which takes six weeks, and costs £148 for the entire kit. Then you have to hit the pig really hard on both shoulders to pierce the skin, with all the needles making up the slap mark. Our pigs are happy girls and quite tame, but I can't imagine they will enjoy any of the three options.

When we last sent three pigs to slaughter, we put a temporary spray mark on them, as we were advised to by the abattoir. Next thing we know, a call from Trading Standards Dept to say we have broken the law and they are coming round to visit us. Two of them came, Mrs Sly and Mr Ferrett (yes, their real names!) to further tell us off. We have also received an unpleasant letter from Herefordshire Council saying that we have broken the law and risk prosecution. We don't want to become criminals, but we are at our wit's end as to what to do for our last six pigs that will be going this week.

We asked the Trading Standards visitors how other small pig keepers keep within the law and were told we are the first people they have visited about it.

STOP PRESS. We have at last got the DEFRA leaflet telling us about the three options which became law on November 1. I quote directly from it:

"If you take your pet pig for a walk, you must have a 'pet pig walking licence'. Your local Animal Health Divisional Office issues these licences at no charge to you. A DEFRA veterinarian will visit you and inspect your proposed route."

We are considering taking our pigs for a walk to the DEFRA offices in Worcester.

Would your readers like to come and watch?

Yours,

Jill Hammonds

Pewcroft Farm,

Suckley