THERE'S nothing more painful than a comedy that's not funny.

And in the unfunny stakes Stuck On You reaches heights of Everest proportions.

Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear play burger-flipping conjoined twins living in small town America before aspiring actor Walt (Kinnear) wants to make it big in Hollywood and shy Bob (Damon) has no choice but to follow.

The tale continues as Bob meets up with May (Wen Yann Shih) - his email pen pal for the past three years. The only problem is that he forgot to mention that he was joined at the hip with his brother.

Oh what hilarity is had by the brothers trying to disguise their join - my favourite being Damon feigning illness and telling May that his brother had bought him a life-size bear to "cheer him up".

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, in walks Cher.

What's even more hurtful is that the film's directed by the Farrelly brothers - the undisputed kings of the goofy movie after Dumb and Dumber and There's Something About Mary.

I really can't remember one scene in the near two-hour movie that was funny.

MS