The return to our streets of lipsticked men in miniskirts with balloons up their jumpers is a risk that should never be taken lightly, but it's good that people are calling for the return of the Malvern Carnival.

Before the Lions and the Rotary Club, bless 'em, get carried away with their enthusiasm, perhaps we ought to take a good look at why Malvern May Day continues to grow and flourish where other town carnivals wither and die.

Firstly, most carnivals involve floats powered by the infernal combustion engine. The Malvern May Day parades have always been on foot. This makes it safe, welcoming and easy for children to join in.

My kids, for instance, were not involved in any of the schools' preparatory efforts, but simply put on their fairy wings and skipped alongside the Samba band. They would not have felt comfortable doing this at a regular

town carnival, where they would have felt they didn't "belong" as they were not attached to a float.

Secondly, the Malvern May Day procession has, in the seven years since it was conceived, always included the simple as well as the elaborate. Those

with a painted face, a streamer and a shaker made that morning are just

as welcome as those who have laboured for weeks over their giant

papier-mache puppets.

One of the problems with a conventional carnival is the sense of competitiveness. To create an attractive tableau on a flatbed lorry takes weeks of effort.

The children in the May Day procession have a great time showing off their creations. There is less division between the watchers and the watched, which somehow makes it feel more like a big celebration and less like putting on a show.

The third thing that makes Malvern May Day different are the jollies in the park. The procession is the high spot of the day but there is always plenty more to see and do.

Lastly, the Malvern May Day celebrations are blissfully free of commercialism. I suspect large swathes of the magic will be lost the moment a banner is allowed to bear the name of a business.

So please, let all of Malvern come out to play but let's keep it as a day when we forget about trading and advertising and just have lots of good, clean

old-fashioned fun, free of those bucket terrorists in miniskirts with balloons up their jumpers, matrons clad as Britney Spears and bad PA systems blaring The Birdie Song from the backs of lorries covered in cowering, half-frozen crepe-paper-clad mites.

Jackie CareY, Jamaica Road,

Malvern Link. (via e-mail)