VOTERS are probably sick of battle buses and black holes already, hoping one will disappear into the other pretty damn quickly.

But there's bad news in store for anyone who has just chased away the fifth politician to bang on their door in 48 hours.

The election campaign doesn't properly start until today -- and it can only get a whole lot more intense from here.

The furious pace was set when Tony Blair, resembling a vicar rather than a Prime Minister, strode in to a school assembly hall.

Casting off the tradition of making announcements from the Downing Street steps, he made hundreds of clapping and cheering youngsters the first to know the country's worst kept secret, the election would be June 7.

The message was clear: I'm so determined to win an historic second term that I'll use every trick in the book to do so (even if that means exploiting the smiling faces of innocent children!)

At least that's what the furious Tories said.

William Hague savaged the stunt at the final Prime Minister's question time in

the Commons. (He claimed one poor girl pulled her jumper over her head in a bid to escape, while another "wrinkled her nose".)

Of, course this made Labour equally cross and they responded by issuing thousands of pledge cards to teach the Tories a lesson.

It promised more teachers, more nurses, more police, more cash for pensioners and more votes for Labour.

But hang on a minute, where was the pledge on taxes? The Tories said this would mean taxes were going to rocket.

The Liberals Democrats said this wasn't a bad thing, as long as the money went on education and health.

But Mr Blair and his Chancellor Gordon Brown were worried, so they set about savaging the Tory manifesto -- launched to the sound of a new fanfare written by the man who composed the music to the Wombles.

Mr Hague promised to cut taxes by £8bn a year -- slashing petrol tax by 6p a litre.

Yet, while motorists rejoiced, Mr Brown said the Tories' spending plans were grossly "irresponsible".

He said the tax cuts would actually cost £16.69bn and that plans to let younger people switch their national insurance contributions into private funds would leave a £6bn "black hole" in the financing of the state pension.

Labour then set about putting the record straight about that "missing pledge".

The party's manifesto isn't due out until the middle of this week -- but they leaked it anyway.

There would be no increase in the basic or higher rate of income tax, boomed the headlines.

By this time, the country's roads were clogged up with "battle buses".

The Deputy Prime Minister, who has enough transport headaches already, nicknamed his the "Prescott Express".

Meanwhile Blair climbed off his to kiss a baby, while his wife, Cherie, signed someone's naked chest.

And that was all before the parties got down to some serious canvassing for the weekend.

Now, you could try closing the curtains, switching off the television and refusing to answer the phone -- but the parties will still find a way of getting to you.

Labour, for example, is planning to bombard people with mobile phone text messages and - as officials know only to well - you've got to read them to erase them.

So you may as well just sit back and enjoy the sight of hundreds of politicians making spectacles of themselves.