ROGER Smith was given an on-the-spot fine for having his fog lights on. The Spetchley resident was unhappy about it and told this paper as much.

Meanwhile, a student spent a night in the slammer after asking if a police horse was gay. He refused to pay an £80 fine and eventually walked free after the charge was thrown out of court.

I quite understand why the police treated these offences with the full force of the law. They are very serious misdemeanours indeed. There is very little policing left to be done these days, so the time is right for insolent scholars and bolshie motorists on the last frontier of criminality to start having their collars felt.

The Smiths of this world should remember that street crime has now been brought under control, knife and kicking culture is merely an awful memory, late-night attacks just a blot on the history books, and yobs have completely disappeared from South Quay.

The main battles have been won. So listen up, Smith - we've got our beady eyes on you, chummy.