VINNIE Jones, the laughably styled former 'hard man' of football is starring in the first Carry On film for 14 years.

Forgetting for a moment the pointless working class concept of 'hardness', why should a person who acquired a name for himself partly because of appalling behaviour on the pitch be allowed to take the work of established actors?

How many professional thespians would presume to play Premiership football? Quite. The literary equivalent is Roy Hattersley inflicting his tedious, inpenetrable prose on innocent bystanders.

Vinnie Jones has no more right to tread the boards anymore than I should be allowed to enter the Miss England contest. What a truly awful thought.