HERE’S an open letter to New Labour following their recent electoral meltdown.

You have been severely punished because of your inability to control the financial institutions, the ensuing loss of jobs, the erosion of occupational pensions through taxation, and your impotence in the face of out-of-control globalisation.

You may remember – as you contemplate the kind of future many ordinary people have endured for quite some time – that the charge sheet also included offences ranging from causing a population explosion because of open-door immigration policies to the reckless squandering of precious land with insane housing projections.

But most of all, you have found yourself being transported to the penal colony of Oblivion Island after being found guilty of a sustained cynical disregard for savers.

For just in case you never knew, we have always been the majority and are now wreaking our longawaited revenge. And as the man said, don’t get angry… get even.

●I BUMPED into my old Pinkerton’s Assorted Colours pal Tony Newman and reminded him of a pledge he once made to swim in the local brook all year round, even breaking the ice if necessary.

He placed the bet one sizzling early 1960s August day when the freezing mists of November had yet to slide their clammy fingers around his swimming trunks.

It never happened. Instead, he wrote a hit single called Mirror, Mirror. Such are the sliding doors of existence.