Sir - A report from our Norwegian correspondent (with apologies to the late Bjørge Lillelien).

Ed Balls, Andy Burnham, Douglas Alexander, Yvette Cooper, Harriet Harman, Diane Abbott, Joy Squires, we have beaten them all, we have beaten them all. Ed Miliband, can you hear me? Ed Miliband, your boys and girls took a hell of a beating! Your boys and girls took a hell of a beating!

Vince Cable, Ed Davey, Danny Alexander, David Laws, Paddy Ashdown, Lord Steel, Jo Swinson we have beaten them all, we have beaten them all. Nick Clegg, can you hear me? Nick Clegg, your boys and girls took a hell of a beating! Your boys and girls took a hell of a beating!

Polly Toynbee, Kevin Maguire, Alistair Campbell, Owen Jones, Delia Smith, Len McCluskey, The Gruniad, we have beaten them all, we have beaten them all. The Left Wing Luvvies, can you hear me? The Left Wing Luvvies, your boys and girls took a hell of a beating! Your boys and girls took a hell of a beating!

Louis Stephen, Neil Laurenson, Matthew Jenkins, Peter Nielsen, Nuttily Bennett, Baroness Jones of Moulsecoomb, Windy Turbine, we have beaten them all, we have beaten them all. The Left Wing Greenies, can you hear me? The Left Wing Greenies, your boys and girls took a hell of a beating! Your boys and girls took a hell of a beating!

Andrew Dyke, Brian Hunt, Richard Boorn, Paul Denham, Lynn Denham, Richard Udall, Roger Berry, we have beaten them all, we have beaten them all. The local Left Wing Apologists, can you hear me? The local Left Wing Apologists, your boys and girls took a hell of a beating! Your boys and girls took a hell of a beating!

Ray Jones

Worcester