THE best laid plans of mice and men... and so on. At the moment, scarcely a day goes by without the population at large being exhorted to go green.

Environmental issues dominate the news agenda and that same old stock footage of the Greenland ice sheet crumbling is presented almost nightly on our TV screens, as if to say: " Don't even think of relaxing in front of the telly, you're all doomed."

However, many of us want to do our bit to save the planet, and one such conscientious person is Michael Coyne. He ordered a wind turbine only to discover that it could never be cost effective because - and wait for it - there's not enough wind in Worcester.

Apparently, the average wind speed travelling above the Faithful City falls well below the amount required to make it a worthwhile proposition.

Now, we need to be perfectly clear about this. For if we are specifically referring to the invisible force that ruffles our hair, dries the washing, and sends wavelets scudding up the Severn, then we will just have to sit back and accept what the experts are saying.

However, a thought occurs. In the absence of the draughty stuff that sweeps in over the Malverns - and which is quite plainly not up to the job - perhaps we could make do with a substitute. So what about hot air?

Most people would agree that there's no shortage of this particular commodity. Come to think of it, perhaps we could harness the combined output of our politicians at Westminster and then transport it via pipeline to a massive sub-station to be built on Fort Royal Hill. Who says it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good?