THIS morning I tried to read up on space-time continuum but frankly I'm a bit lost.

I'm not sure it would even help me to be honest.

You see, I am trying to understand what timeframe or parallel universe my children are living in.

Because there has to be a reason why the simplest of instructions are interpreted incorrectly and greater emphasis is placed on what I would presume to be less important endeavours.

Let me give you an example.

My house, breakfast time. Just me and the children.

Simple instruction given - eat your breakfast, we have to get to school.

Somehow, as those words travel through the air, the vibrations passing from my universe into theirs seems to get skewed and distorted until the words mean something different entirely.

I say eat your breakfast and they seem to hear wind each other up.

It also seems to mean pull a smug face at your brother - though I am not sure Daisy pulled an actual smug face or whether my son's eyesight is also affected by the parallel universe - and poke your tongue out at your sister.

Cue Daisy crying and me having to console her, appease Jacob and get everyone eating and myself ready for work.

One out of the three of us usually ends up late - no prizes for guessing who.

Really, this is something Stephen Hawking should be looking into because surely two different universes existing inside the same semi-detached house in Worcester is a thing of wonder?

I should have scientists banging on my door, all manner of weird gizmos in their hands wanting to understand how we are existing side by side yet our words and actions have completely different meanings.

Night time seems to be another juncture for the gates to the weird parallel universe to gape open.

One might assume tucking someone into bed and turning of their lights is a signal that it is now bedtime so go to sleep.

Prepare to stand corrected.

In this alternate universe it is a time to walk around, look for pens or Lego and, yes you have guessed it, wind up your sibling again.

I need them to boldly go to bed and stay there.

Or they will have a Close Encounter with the naughty corner.