Everything that my children do is completely fascinating and amazing.

There is a level on which this is still literally true. I am fascinated and amazed that a universe exists in which I can convince someone to have children with me. And that the forces of nature can combine in utterly baffling and impossible ways to create something that starts off looking like a tar-pooing alien grub then within a couple of years is walking and talking.

Where did that come from? What’s it all about? It’s fascinating and amazing.

And they keep doing amazing things. The billions of other parents probably think exactly the same thing about their own children. They’re wrong, of course. Their children tend to be dull, loud and annoying in my experience. But my children, uniquely, are completely and utterly beautiful and amazing.

If all else fails, panic

However, although they are amazing, and do many amazing things, not absolutely everything they do is amazing.

When they bounce up to you and say: “Daddy! Look! I’ve found a stick!”

You can’t really reply: “So what?” or “Big deal”. You just can’t. Doesn’t matter how tired you are. So you say: “Wow. That’s an awesome stick.”

You say it in your parent voice.

The parent voice is the voice you use to tell your child how beautiful their scribble is. To begin with you’re genuinely amazed that they can scribble. But there are a limited number of scribbles that can be amazing. So you have to fake it. This is fine when they are small. Problem is, the little blighters keep advancing.

“Come on guys. Let's go outside and search for bugs with the magnifying glass!” I say, enthused and excited.

“Yeah. That sounds amazing,” my son replies.

He is using the parent voice. I am genuinely amazed.