LOCAL audiences have three opportunities to hear Andy Parsons sound off about his sandwich-buying habits and Brexit.

Parsons is sure Brexit will be absolutely fine, and the purchase of a sandwich was his equivalent of the road to Damascus - a blinding light which brought clarity in a perfect storm of national anxieties.

And all because a bloke went “bip”.

He explained: ‘It was June 24 2016 and I found myself contemplating a supermarket meal deal. I only wanted a sandwich and I only needed a sandwich but given that I could get a snack and a drink for only 5p more it seemed financially irresponsible not to.

“I had spent so long pondering the EU Referendum result from the day before that I was now in a massive rush. The lad on the till scanned the first two items no problem but the third item, he couldn’t get to scan at all. I thought: this is going to be a nightmare – there was a queue building up and he looked like he was going to call the supervisor. Then, to his credit, he tried to scan it one more time. It wouldn’t scan – so he went ‘bip’ himself and chucked it through. And it was at that moment that I thought: “Oh, we’ll be alright as a country we will.”

And we will be alright. Trust me. I’m not a politician.”

Sadly, he’s not.

But a spokesman is remaining cheerful.

He said: “Yes, he’s back. A year and a half since his last tour Peak Bullsh*t, household name and nonsense-nailer Andy Parsons is back on the road with Healing the Nation.”

There will be words of reassurance, or otherwise, at Theatre Chipping Norton on September 27; at The Courtyard in Hereford on November 2, and at The Huntingdon Hall, Worcester, on November 8.