"ONE simple thing proves there has to be a God," says the Landlord, the comedy creation of Al Murray, "the existence of bacon."
Words of wisdom like these pour from the Landlord like Carlsberg from his bar taps in his new tour, Giving it Both Barrels.
His previous shows, My Gaff, My Rules and And a Glass of White Wine for the Lady have earned Murray a Perrier Award and a double Olivier award nomination.
"Last year's tour took me the length and breadth of these fair isles," said Murray as his right-wing, ultra-patriotic, brewery jacket-wearing creation.
"On my travels I talked to beautiful British people from all walks of life, as well as some students, and let me tell you I can't wait to get out there again and dish up further helpings of common sense."
His topics include 'how it used to be to be British', (which he illustrates by kicking an inflatable globe around the stage), world politics (on the situation in the former Yugoslavia he says: "it's very complicated, so we flattened it to make it easier to understand,") and "why it's time to bring back shame".
The Landlord has dates in Cheltenham and Hereford and has his own thoughts on both places.
"I love Cheltenham," said the Landlord. "Did you know that in 1788, King George II spent five weeks at Cheltenham, drinking the waters for his health's sake.
Then he turned mad and his pee turned blue, so I'm staying the night and sticking to beer.
"Hereford - the last bastion, the final outpost before Wales. Keep up the good work."
Al Murray will be appearing at Cheltenham's Everyman Theatre on Sunday, October 26, (box office 01242 572573) and Hereford's Courtyard Theatre on Wednesday, November 12, (box office 01432 359252).
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