FOR years I have lived thousands of miles from civilisation, here in the remotest part of Africa in the swamps of Outer Uggawumgufff.

However, even here we regularly receive our treasured Kidderminster Shuttle and I was horrified to read that some wretched Philistines are considering knocking down the Piano Building.

The fame of this beautiful structure has reached even our obscure land.

Have these people considered the ramifications of their actions? All the hotels which advertise themselves as being "five minutes walk from the Piano Building" could go out of business!

There would also be the huge cost of replacing all those road signs showing the way to the Piano Building.

And what of the proud Kidderminster traditions that would be lost, such as the perilous climbing up of television aerials from the highest points in the town to gain sufficient height to glimpse a slight view of the shape of the building which gives it its name?

Every child born in Kidderminster learns of the Piano Building almost as soon as he or she learns to speak, does projects on it at school and is taken to see it by their parents almost every Sunday.

There is also the consideration of the effect knocking it down would have on our national economy. There are already rumours that the annual British package holiday tour from Uggawumgufff will seek an alternative destination, because without the Piano Building there is nothing much left to see or do in the United Kingdom.

Even worse is the idea that this most English of buildings should be torn down to make way for something as common and vulgarly popular as a cinema, where young and old alike would be able to find cheap entertainment instead of gazing in wonder at this most striking piece of architectural heritage.

Surely if the Piano Building is to be destroyed then only something of equal architectural beauty and significance should replace it. A five-storey chemical toilet comes to mind.

ANDREW HAFFNER

Conifer Heights

Knightwick (near Uggawumgufff)