I CAN safely say that I would die if I tried to become a vegetarian. The only vegetables I like are mushy peas and sweetcorn, and there are only so many satisfying meals you can make out of those.

The main problem is that most greens are so tricky to prepare and go off so quickly. If I was a vegetarian, I'd probably just live off Mars bars - after all, a Mars doesn't go mouldy within hours of buying it, and it's unlikely to have slugs or beetles hiding inside.

It doesn't help when meat just tastes so good, either. The Vegetarian Society claims, curiously, that many people turn their backs on meat because of its limitations and crave something more exciting. Like Quorn, for example.

This is bad news when killjoy dietary experts declare that fruit and veg stave off cancer and help you live to be 150, while red meat gives you gout and is about as good for you as heroin.

These same experts state that you should have five portions of fresh fruit and vegetables every day. Five a week would be painful enough, especially when chips don't count.

However, this week is National Vegetarian Week, so there is no better time to start improving your health, reducing animal suffering and generally becoming a better person.

You certainly won't be on your own if you decide to go green. The number of vegetarians in the UK has practically doubled in the past 10 years - great news for pigs and cows but not so good for carrots and cauliflower.

There are now three million veggies in the UK, who will be celebrating their avoidance of crunchy bacon, juicy steaks and sizzling sausages this week.

Clearly, vegetarianism is big business in the 21st Century. Even Burger King has muscled in on the meat-free market, proudly claiming to sell the only veggie burger approved by the Vegetarian Society.

So, although I was tempted to write a feature entitled "101 Popular Korean Dog Recipes" or celebrate the French love of horses, I thought I ought to enter into the spirit of the week.

With this in mind, here are some tips on how to wean yourself off animal products.

1. Set your own pace. Like giving up smoking, not everyone can do it immediately. Unlike giving up smoking, there are no patches or chewing gums to satisfy your meat craving.

2. Ignore other people's comments. There are many myths about being veggie, but, contrary to popular belief, you won't necessarily become weak and pale or start wearing sandals and socks.

3. Visit your local supermarket or health food store. Try as many new foods as you can, and discover the joys of Quorn, soya and tofu.

4. When shopping, make sure the eggs you buy are free-range and other foods do not contain hidden animal ingredients. Look out for the Vegetarian Society's approved symbol, which guarantees that pigs' hooves and the like are not lurking inside innocent looking products.

5. Find out as much about nutrition as you can. It is crucial to ensure your diet is well-balanced and nutritious. Luckily, it is not too difficult.

6. Buy a good vegetarian cookbook. Here are some of the most recent and popular publications.

n Vegetarian Express - Rose Elliot (Weidenfeld Nicolson Illustrated)

Contains more than 100 recipes, with the emphasis on fresh fruit and vegetables, nuts, seeds and pulses. The recipes concentrate on health, flavour, energy and speed.

n The Reader's Digest Complete Vegetarian Cookbook - Sarah Brown (Reader's Digest)

More than 250 vegetarian recipes, nutritional advice, and a directory of more than 350 ingredients. It includes quick breakfasts, leisurely brunches and speedy after-work suppers.

n Weight Watchers Vegetarian Cooking - Jo Middleditch (Simon & Schuster)

My idea of hell - not just no meat, but a diet as well. This contains a variety of vegetarian recipes that tie in with the "points" system for the Weight Watchers' 123 Success programme.

n Vegetarian Cooking Without - Barbara Cousins (HarperCollins)

Aimed at people with dietary problems as well as vegetarians, this contains more than 100 recipes free from wheat, gluten, sugar, salt, dairy products, yeast and saturated fat. It has helped people with allergies and chronic fatigue (ME).

n Linda McCartney's World of Vegetarian Cooking - Linda McCartney (Little, Brown)

Recipes from around the world, compiled by one of the world's most famous vegetarian campaigners. The emphasis is on tastiness and appeal, with more than 200 meat-free recipes.

n For more information about how to become a bona fide, card-carrying vegetarian, visit the Vegetarian Society's website at www.vegsoc.org or call 0161 925 2000.