While I appreciate the endorsement of my letter by Mr D Olliffe (Postbag, October 20) regarding the siting of the proposed new sports hall, I fear that the publication of his letter has put him in mortal danger from the 'men in black suits'.

For years, the good folk of our town have accepted the cluttering of our thoroughfares by sculptures, water features and raised flower beds as just another government scheme for the re-employment of artists; and the deep trenches left across the roads were the result of utility workers failing to make good there subterranean foraging. But no! Mr Olliffe has, albeit unwittingly, exposed classified information.

All this is part of a cunning Ministry of Defence scheme. If we look at an Ordinance Survey map we can clearly see a pattern emerge. The real reason is to prevent invading forces reaching DERA. The clutter on the pavements delays the progress of advancing infantry and the road trenches are cunningly disguised tank traps, accounting for tanks and unwary motorists alike. All this, combined with road signs overgrown with untrimmed foliage is an act of genius by local and national government. Farfetched? They all laughed at Christopher Columbus when he discovered the printed circuit!

Terry Ford, Malvern Link.

(via e-mail)