SIR – Two decisions taken at an emergency meetings of the coalition government have both back-fired.

The first was to sell the 2010 English football team on e-Bay to reduce the UK’s crippling debt. That has had no bids to date and FIFA say if we gave them an undisclosed amount of euros they would take it off our hands.

The second was to control immigration by permitting entry only to those with qualifications essential to the UK, such as footballers.

The wording of the communique to the immigration department had the opposite effect i.e: Entry to be granted to anyone who can play better than the English team – which unfortunately ensured that no one could be turned away. I believe Crouch, one of our our highest goal scorers, is said to be considering a change of career by becoming a magistrate as he feels he’s suitably qualified after spending so long on the bench.

As well as the proposed introduction of “goal line technology” some players are requesting a tracking device be put in the ball so that with the aid of wrist sat-nav they can find out where it is.

J Freeman
Worcester