CHAPLAIN'S BLOG: What lies at the heart of chaplaincy

At 3am in the morning at the bedside of a patient who is dying, with maybe one family member present. Or at 6am when you are called to a couple who have just lost their baby and, wiping sleep from your eyes, you try and do your best to walk alongside them.

Now, I know, there are lots of other demanding jobs which drain people physically and emotionally. But in my macho spirit, I am always a bit surprised when people say to me “I don’t know how you do your job!”

I suppose the sometimes I deny how hard it is, especially after the traumatic things we see and the people in distress that we come across.

Why? Because to see someone in emotional distress is not a neutral thing. If you are to truly enter into their world it will cost you; not that you feel what they are feeling – how could you?– but because grief and shock and distress are sticky things; and sometimes small fragments of these things cling to you like limpets.

So today I want to say thank you to my team of Chaplains: Helen, Claire and David. It seems to me that there is something special about working in a team that cares for each other; who can spot when I am struggling; and who are kind and compassionate. It’s so easy to be compassionate to others but not to oneself. So it is to my colleagues, who know the chaplaincy landscape, that I turn to when the stickiness of grief or distress overwhelms me.

And they listen. Often that is all that is needed – someone who understands, knows what you mean, and doesn’t judge. And I hope, that as part of the team, I offer that in return.

There are hundreds of teams in our hospitals. Some which function well, others which require improvement.

But I would say to all of them, “look after each other!” Be caring and nurturing. Keep a weather eye on your colleagues.

Life is hard enough in the NHS without it being confounded by no one understanding you. So be there; ready to listen and understand. That, after all, is the heart of Chaplaincy.